I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
We have started to decorate penises.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
