My boss' voice literally gives me gas
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
