I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
