U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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