This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
