Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
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