My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I want a musical about memes.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
