You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
