What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
