we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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