It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
