I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
