theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
50% drunk capacity currently
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
