i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize