We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
