I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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