I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
