When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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