So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
