I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Randomize
