Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize