I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
