Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
