everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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