yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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