Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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