I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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