You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Randomize
