Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I party with great urgency now.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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