hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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