Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
my shit smells like andre
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
