I think I won the penis lottery.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
