Me too!
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
