I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
