I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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