dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Randomize