I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
