Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Randomize
