if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Randomize
