god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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