Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
