That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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