fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
