I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
