Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
