You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
