Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
