New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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