best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
