You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
This baby is an asshole
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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