That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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