even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
We are two peas in an std pod
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
