If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
