ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
