1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize