i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
How does it feel to date your dad?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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