Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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