I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize