so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
