He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
