What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
