dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
