My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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