This dress was meant to end up on your floor
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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