Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
dude. I can hear the air.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
