Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
