I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
