mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
