This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I wish they made helmets for livers.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
jump out the window naked night went bad
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
