wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
