8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Found the puke drawer
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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