I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
