I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
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