I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Randomize
