Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
You've changed since you got that strap on
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
