I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
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