if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
