Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
