U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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