It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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