I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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