I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
