I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
