He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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