HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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