Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
