I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
