I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
