Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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