Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
