Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
