i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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