no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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