you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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