One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
