All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I have so many feelings about this burrito
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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