remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
