I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Yo dont text me then not text me
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
