I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
