I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
