i love accidental penises.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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